Music, Sex and Poetry

I guess ten years ago when I accidently discovered Jim Morrison, I didn't know too much about The Doors ...or the hype, the larger then life character of Jim Morrison, the biggest rock star in the world, for me he was just a beautiful rock and roll poet. Discovering Jim Morrison changed my life very profoundly, I changed my career and my country and really even my life -style after I made Jim my number one influence . So walking into Pere Lanchaise , the place where he is buried , is a fascinating experience.
It was a rainy Monday morning in Paris as I walked into the cemetry , cobbles under my feet, I felt a little shaky and emotional to be here again, so many years after my first visit. I wandered between the tombstones where also Oscar Wilde and Chopin are buried trying to find the one ... I knew .. I got lost for a while I didn't care I just wanted to take in the atmosphere ... the silence the eternal peace in this place.. were surreal. This is a porthole between one world and another , the spirit world and the physical world get to commune here. I found myself in a square, with a big tomb in the middle and sat on a bench, the rain was wet on my face mixed with tears : Jim was such a creative soul and discovering his music was such a liberation to me . Sitting on this bench on an overcast day, it was extraordinary to realize how far I'd come and how strong a connection I'd felt for him and his music , which had led to this special journey, so I was here to say thank you, a single red rose clasped in my hand. I felt so many things sitting there, I went back over all the things I had learnt along the way ... in my mind I was having one more conversation with Jim and could feel him there, a soulful shaman poet, the Native Americans believe we can walk in two worlds and I think this is what Jim meant when he said , "Break on through to the otherside" and I always love the artist, who like the shamans of old, bridges the two worlds and gives us an experience of both , taking us on a mystical journey and Jim definately did that thing.
Sitting there , one interveiw that he did , stood out in my mind, he was sitting there quite stoned and the interveiwer asked him if there was anything that he hadn't done that he would like to do. He said that he would like to write something from pure joy , " I get a gloomy kind of feeling when I listen to our music " he said. I think somewhere I took that on because my music is quite joyful . It would be kind of fun to have an age of enlightenment and a bit less gun-power and a bit more flower power again and I'm sure Jim would agree . An extraordinary man with thick curly black hair , a French accent and a jacket with Doors memorabilia all over suddenly appeared: "Are you here for Jim ?" he asked ."Yes " I said . "This way", he said. As I walked towards Jim Morrison's final resting place there was a stream of young people leaving, they also had tears running down their faces, how amazing I thought, that this poet transcended time since most people leaving the grave where not even alive when he died . But, as I do, they obviously feel a very strong connection to him. I found his grave , I felt sad that it wasn't well kept and they have a big barrier around it and the sculpture of his face is gone. It was like a "poor man's grave", it seemed even in death Jim was on the outside. But I knew it was ok becasue I know Jim's spirit is .. not in there , he's just out there in the ether , digging everything, and probably laughing because, though he died in 1971 his music and words are very much alive. So I threw my red rose onto his grave and headed off into the next part of my journey , with Jim's bessing once more.

I am ecstatic to say that Victoria and I jumped into my car this morning and drove down to Hollywood Blvd with screams of joy to see our favorite band in the world inducted into the Walk of Fame . Yes The Doors finallly recieved there long over due Star on Hollywood Blvd . The sun was shining and Ray Manzerek said , "Thank you to the sun god for being there:". Still Pagan's at heart , still playing great Rock and Roll music and dancing in the mysteries. I love The Doors, now , then and always . It was wonderful to be there at the celebration with whole tribe in effect .Jim Ladd from KLOS described there music as the music of freedom. He made a beautifully eloquent speech describing perfectly the majesty , the mystery and the infinite journey found in The Doors music. If you haven't got a copy of a Doors album run out and buy one today . I would suggest the first album self-titled, "The Doors ". If you really get into it, it could change your life . Look at me , I started off listening to The Doors on the mountains of Spain ten years ago and now I'm in Hollywood Hills living my dreams and making Rock and Roll music . There is philosophy in this music , Jim and The Doors are a magnicent guide to the keys to the kingdom. It was with there music that my sister and I broke on through to the other side. I only wish Jim could have been there , there would have been a riot . It was great to see Robbie Krieger looking so great and the same with Ray Manzerek. And it was an added bonus to hand some copies of my album ,"Beautiful to be Alive, " to Jim's nephew who had those handsome Morrison looks .
ps Jim Ladd please play my music on KLOS ! I am the original "Wildchild".

If I'm not waking up with you in the morning what the hell am I'm doing having sex with you? Does anybody remember Sacred Sex, the most intimate thing two people can do together, the highest level of affection?. If you are not basically intimate enough to spend time, what the hell are we doing in bed? I hear everybody talking about the practical solution of the booty call, the practical solution to fast release, but where is the romance, that is the point. Love making is supposed to be a deep, sensual. enriching experience. America, we turn love-making into sport, sisters of Los Angeles and this giant continent we need to stop settling for nothing, we need to raise the bar here; I was told at supper on Friday night that girls are used to being treated so badly in this city, that if a guy opened the door for them they were happy. I don't know if she was exagerating but that's a very low bar. We put our love on the market place, the Beatles song "Money Can't Buy You Love" would be totally out of fashion here because it seems that money can buy love here. Love, love, love, love: hanging out together, walking together, holding hands and kissing for hours, we all need to take a trip to Rome or Paris to remember how it's done .
I hear that they are operating the three hits and you are out system, basically if you don't get laid by the third date, dump her . Oh come on America what are we getting out of this ? It's like Dire Straits sang "money for nothing and your chicks for free". Beautiful ladies of this city of angels what are you getting out of this? What's the rush? It's like the gold rush out here we all got gold fever or booty fever, where is the poetry? Recently after I didn't put out to a guy after a few dates he tried to insult me by calling me a thirty something virgin, on another date the man I was due to be going out with came to the door dishevelled, he seemed rather shocked that I came in ten minutes early, so I said "should I make myself at home and make a cup of tea"?; He rushed down to his bedroom saying he would go get dressed. While making the cup of tea it dawned on me that maybe he was not alone in his bedroom, so I calmly walked down the stairs and sure enough they were rushing to pull themselves together ,his lady friend was doing up her shirt, so I said, " Oh! what do you guys do together"? He said she was "a client". As she pushed passed me on the stairs she turned to him and said: "a client of what" ?, "Not now honey"! he said," I told you I don't have time", and she left. Of course I could have left too, but as part of my sociological experiment I wanted to hear what he had to say, so I made him pay for supper and explain to me the ins and outs of L.A. dating. "Listen honey", he said, "if you don't say you wanna be exclusive it's open game". Listen call me old fashion but when you are hanging out, getting to know someone, getting a little romantic, it takes the romance out of it having to say: "listen honey let's be exclusive, cancel your booty calls at 5 and 9". Love even lust is about great seduction, it's about the art of waiting and longing and then enjoying. This love circuit in L. A. is all formula and no bravery, it's just too difficult to get close. It's become like a service industry. I don't know about you but I want to wake up in the arms of someone I love, I wanna wake up in the arms of someone who is in love with me, how about you ? Let's put some wind in the sails of the great American love story, otherwise we are all doomed to perish on the market place, and I will move to Paris before I'll starve for love. Am I the only one who's feeling like this? please respond.

On Saturday morning at about 7 a.m. I headed out of town in the direction of the desert, taking the 10 freeway. It was a magical morning and a joy came over me as I drove for I knew I was about to walk through a new door of possibility. I had been summoned to the desert by my friend and teacher, a Cherokee medicine woman. I will not tell you her name as I wish to respect the fact she prefers to live in the spirit world, but I will say she is one of the most magical human beings I have ever met, I am happiest when I am sitting on her porch listening to the stories of the old ways. Her journeys are miraculous and full of spirit guides and angels, stone people and thunder beings. She said on the phone she had knowlege to share, so my heart was full of excitement, I knew it would be something big and my heart just sang all the way along that highway. She had said to me that today was the day we would walk shoulder to shoulder, she would no longer be my teacher, we would become equal, so I knew this was big medicine. As I drove I had a wonderfull feeling, as if I was driving into the heavens; the clouds were almost touching the earth and the early morning light was golden. Ah yes ! An auspicious day. After two hours of driving I hit the dirt road up to her house, the air was so clear, I always feel as if she has sprinkled her magic all the way up the path because my mind seems to clear when I hit that path. I was so excited I felt like gunning it, but I decided to take it slow because I might hit a bump. She came out onto the forecourt to greet me clutching her one year old granddaughter. "So we meet again" she said, her dark eyes flashed and her red hair ,which I always think symbolizes her fire within, and her earth mother body holds a soul as big as the sky. Her husband also greeted me he is a hunter, an earth man. Then we entered her house and sitting beaneath the stuffed animals which decorated the walls we lounged on fur surrounded by animals skulls and indian pottery and began our talk, she explained that this weekend the dicsussion would be the power of manifestation. She talked about the fact that we are all part of the creator and have the possibility to create anything we desire in our lives. We watched tapes, including The Secret, and listened to some fascinated speakers who talked about following your bliss. Always she teaches the keys to the kingdom, I love it when she begins to tell the stories; she's just so magical, some beautiful new songs have been inspired out of these talks, and much awareness, she has been a profound part of my awakening to spirit so my heart always sings when I see her. So this blog is by way of a thank you to her. So now we will walk shoulder to shoulder on this earth, I want to celebrate what has been and look forward to what is to come. I know what she wants most in her heart is to see us all get together one more time and heal the earth mother. She always says: "Zoe wake up and see the beauty, Zoe wake the people up, we must all see the beauty before is too late" .

For ten years I have been on the journey of a life time . There is nothing more incredible to me than the journey of self discovery , music and love. It has been fast paced and has required all my skills of survival , the journey always asks me at every turn to bring more and more compassion for myself and those around me . The journey always requires me to become more expansive, and every twist of the journey requires me to embrace universal wisdom. Each chapter has a special lesson, and guess what ? Just like an exam if I don't pass first time , I have to redo it next semester . Sometimes I've been locked into the same exam for about year and a half.
Last week a strange thing occured . A woman who has worked for me for many years, who I have a great deal of love for got kind of angry and rude and she needed to leave for two weeks . It was all very strange. Of course she was going through some stuff , it wasn't personal she was just angry with herself ,but she just vented it on me. After she left though it started to creep up on me, the cycle of grieving for some one you have spent time with, the cycle always goes the same . denial, sadness, anger. Then I realised it 's really not about her, all these feelings I've been having, it's about all the other times , as well that I have lost people and places I've loved .
In ten years I've lived in seven different places I had a seven year relationship that ended and a year and a half fling that also ended . I've gone through three different producers , two different bands . I can't tell you how many asistants and different people I've worked with . I had to leave my parents behind in England and all my friends and customs and embrace a whole new continent .So there's been a lot of love , but a lot of loss.
I love everything about my journey, it's my canvas, and as Bruce Springsteen sings "I was born to run !' But I am slowly realising that I have to take a different perspective on love and attachment and really being ok with myself. For the journey of the artist is an internal one , it's the road less travelled .I've fallen in and out of love so many times , love can sometimes be like a flower that blooms for a few days and then vanishes.You can't sit next to the dead stalk saying , "Why isn't the flower blooming anymore ? I want it to bloom!" And then you scream at everyone including yourself for the loss.
Change is the law of nature , and change we must and everything around us . So I have been slowly learning tools like meditation and yoga so that I can connect to that which is eternally divine and feel more centered in my fast paced life . So I am able to accept what ever life brings.
Yesterday I saw my wonderful vocal coach Eric Vetro , he's a magician with a voice and great at giving clear advice to his friends. I told him about the incident with the woman and he told me this , "Zoe you have to see this as an oppotunity given to you by the universe. Consider an empty bowl of rice , once the bowl is full there is no longer any space to put anything in it . Your just cleaning out your closets , all your skeletons are being swept out ! So that you are totally open to what ever the universe presents for your highest good". I guess there are certain moments in life where we really meet our maker . "Filling your life with distractions , ie a person that causing you greif , is not helpful, you need to be clear of all clutter, try it without her for a while".
Since the beginning of the year it seems as if , it's been one long clearing out of my closet anything that is no longer valuble to my life and forward movement is just being taken away. Its extraordinary , its like being a boat out on the sea learning to sail the wide open ocean for the first time , the waves keep crashing on me , but I keep putting up my sail and heading into the sun towards the light and anything that feels like ballast I'm throwing over the side cos I want to sail on the high seas with my sails full and the wind blowing in my hair. Negative energy is going stop those sails going up . We sail together sometimes for a life time or sometimes for a short time . The wind in the sails is compassion , and when there is no more wind, lets let each other go our separate ways with a prayer in our hearts and gratitude for the time we 've had together for like life it's just a moment in time . When I finally dance off into the sunset and become one with all creator, I want to feel as if I brought some joy to the earth , that I made peoples lives a little easier,and brought beauty and celebration , thats what I want to do.
I've noticed greif comes in waves , you can be feeling normal and all of a sudden it crashes over you and you think it's going to crash you to the bottom of the sea , but I realise if you keep sailing into the sun each calm moment will bring a new lesson of deep compassion. I recently met a really old person who knew her death was near she cried and said to me , "I love you". Even though I had only met her two minutes prior, she was so close to creator she was able to say it as she felt it ,because she new the preciousness of life . It was very moving . Also when I met Bono the thing that was so remarkable to me about him was his compassion and humility. He's somebody who's sailed on the wide open seas and probably had many waves crash over him. I'm learning that despite the pain of greif I must learn and sail on . I never wanted to swim in a pond , I wanted to go sail on the open seas with my sails full blown like a beautiful yacht .Every time a wave comes I've learnt to use my rudder , I'm learning to navigate thoise beautiful open waters. I'm learning to let the winds of compassion fill my sails and know that I was born free, born to sail the high seas.

I took a walk this morning with my dog and ended up sitting on a bench looking out over Los Angeles. A very young woman came and sat next to me, she had long dark hair and a very beautiful dress made of silk satan. She looked ethereal in a way. She said hello and I realized she was Australia, we began to talk and she said she was here to do the whole model actress thing but she was thinking of moving to New York as she didn't dig the people here. She said she felt lonely here, she was looking out over the horizon as if she was searching for something in the distance. She said she was writing a novel, she said she didn't have a family here but then she didn't have a family anywhere. “Why would you stay in L.A., if you are writing a novel?” I asked. “What about Italy or France?” Her face lit up. She was scanning the horizon as angels do, for some where to fly, where she would feel free. I shared with her my experience of L.A. and she seemed a little cagey, like who is this person giving me this advice. Finally I said to her. “nice to meet you”, and got up. She just beamed a big angelic smile because I didn't want anything from her. Just to say, “Hey the world is big, if you aren't happy here try some other place.”
Then further up the path I met a woman I had met yesterday and talked a bit. She has a nice vibe, so we talked... and she told me she had met a woman on a film set that had told her she could see her angels all around. She said she was going through a hard time. Yesterday was Valentines Day and she said she had a bad day, a relapse with an eating disorder. I told her to get out of time. I said, “when your fuel gauge is that low, your demons are coming out to play, so you have to heal.”
Everyday hundreds of young girls arrive in Los Angeles from all over the world. Beautiful, talented, they all come to make it, not knowing what they will find. They have dreams, they have seen the movie stars, Nicole Kidman, Catherine Zita Jones, Scarlett Johanson. All this beauty comes from all over the world, but of course where there is beauty there is prey. And L.A. is full of predators waiting to hook a lonely angel with her back up against the wall. Every single moment in L.A. is a moment when opportunity could knock or not, “I will put some money up for you, I will do this for you, I will do that for you...” So they get a little jaded the angels, they close down some of their connection to the divine, their natural openness. And slowly the world becomes smaller and smaller. The walls come in and the nights get darker and darker and I have been there.
The Native Indians believe that it is an illusion to feel we are alone, because the truth is when we thin the vale, we are all connected. So when the water is creeping up around your ears and you feel like you cant fly and the demons are getting closer and the pimps pushing getting high, I will give you some advice, clear your mind and remember that you can fly. I have done my nights as a lonely angel and come out the other side. Those thin nights of sitting home and feeling beautiful and abused by the world. I had created my own little drama in my head. The key to being an angel is to stay connected to the divine, to feel blessed and open up and shine.

The awesome thing about being in your 30's as opposed to your 20's is that you've seen it, you've done it, you tried all the masks on, you've jumped through the hoops, you've tried being everything you're not. You've been through crazy growing pains in a world that resembles nothing like you thought it would, you listen to everyone except your inner intuition and then all of a sudden you turn the corner and your in your 30's. What a relief, because in your 30's you realize, hey "What Have I Got to Prove ?"
I really feel like that these days , it is just so freeing to feel like you can be totally yourself and love it. I'm a good looking chick, I know men are inclined to project their desires on me,( I got these classic European features ..lol..) .Some men fall in love with me, but not really with me, more with the idea of me . They think I fit the mould of what they require and then go to huge pains to try and tell me who I should be to fit that mould. In my 20's I may have lacked the self confidence to just say," I am who I am", but in my 30's, I can.
Now I just wanna live a great nourishing life, full of good friends and good times . I now know I gotta take care of my health, I know I don't need the richest guy in the world or the most famous or the most handsome or a big mansion......because in the end it comes down to self love, I've got nothing to prove. So if you're a mountain girl, go live in the mountains, if you wanna sing, sit right down and sing in your 30's it becomes all about your authentic self ,and when your off that you get more of a sense that your off centre. Creating a life for your self is an interesting process, especially in a world where there is so much choice.My motto is "follow your bliss", its not the pursuit of desire, it's the pursuit of happiness. If you're listening to everyone else, it kind of becomes like psychic slavery because your running around miserable thinking your lacking something instead of coming from the place "I'm full, I'm a piece of creator ,each day is sacred to me, I'm blessed to be alive"...
So I've really got nothing to prove, each day I think it's beautiful to be alive and each day I think that it truly is.
Have a great one .
Zoe x

Going to the Grammy's last night was a great nightout. My sister picked me up at 3pm in her '92 Cadillac, she was wearing all black with a cerise chiffon scarf and I was wearing a hot black satin dress with a guitar with wings sequined on it and gold angel wings on my ears and black stilettos. I jumped in the car and she hit the gas hard, she only just passed her test so this was her virgin drive on an American freeway.......cool,to the Grammy's. It was quite a ride ! We parked and began walking with the crowds of beautiful famous freaks and supporters in ball gowns and tuxedos. It's so much fun to see music royalty turn out. Music , money and Grammy night makes for a real circus of extraordinary creative souls.
I have to say though I was really proud to be there because it really is a business so full of talent, and last night the talent and the fans showed a wonderful consciousness, Joan Baez introduced The Dixie Chicks for there bravery after they where slated for anti Bush comments, then they won album of the year . Now we're voting with our dollars, and my great friend Jim Scott was up there with them, because he recorded their album. Yeh Jim Scott, a gentleman of rock, who also mixed my album "Beautiful to be Alive".
He's been a constant mentor since I entered this business and I just could not be happier than to see him win. When I was first cutting demos he was the great advocate of "you can do better", I always listen to Jim because he gives the best advice I can find.The Doors won the life time achievement award, a shiver went down my spine when Jim's face went up there. You see I told you he wasn't in that grave in Paris, he's still rocking in the U.S.A !
Mary J Blige was the queen of the evening, she won for best R&B album and she sang like world class diva, God bless her she looked stunning and was so moved to be receiving her award. It's such a long road up to that podium, it takes so much dedication I understand why people cry...I really do. Ludacris, with guest Mary J Blige, sang a beautiful song giving press to the fact 200 American children run away each day and end up God knows where.
It just rocks to see so much talent as I am starting work on my second album . And get so inspired to do my craft everyday. I watched the Chilli Peppers win the best rock album, I watched James Blunt pour his heart out, I love music! I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to create music and I wasn't getting a Grammy, but maybe some day I'm gonna rock that stage... and that's a lot of work between me and there so I hope you'll all keep cheering me on cause its a long distance race guys.
Afterwards me and my sister decided to give the parties a miss, but ended up in The Pantry, one of L.A's oldest deli's. This great guy Eric served us and made us feel like Grammy Queens, he gave us free apple pie and was just so excited to get a copy of my CD. I guess artist's are voted in by the people, the people literally feed us and it has been the case for me since I arrived here 10 years a go. I came to this country to live my dreams and that's what I been doing all these years day in day out, and I tell you there is no place like America to do that. I talked to some policemen and gave them copies of my C.D. told them about my journey, they were really cool and kind of had a quiet wisdom about them. One said "you've been working", "hey I said this is an amazing country ".
God bless America and long may her artist and the fans who support the artists be as inspired as they were last night.Me, I, sat there and cheered and cried and was totally enthralled by the whole thing cause there's nothing like a beautiful song and a singer with a big soul to light up the sky.
Congratulations to all the winners especially Jim Scott, love ya man.

Well I'm confused . In the movies, before I moved to America , in "Harry Met Sally" and "Sleepless in Seattle " , people have time to fall in love . People invest in talking and walking , they go through the highs and lows , then they move in and fall in love. I seem to be experiencing a whole cult of Bachelors , whose disclaimer is , " I don't believe in marriage" ," I don't know if I ever want to live with anyone" , "hey I'm busy for a couple of weeks but maybe we can fit it in in the second quarter" .
The modern American career driven male, definately puts love on the back burner, it's something to fit in between the endless hours of work .
In L.A. it seems I have discovered , men operate a very calculated roster system, its probably three tiered: Women you just want to go to bed with , women you'd consider dating , and those special ones that make you feel good enough about yourself that you may actually let accompany to a business supper .Go out on a date with any man in L.A. and find that his cell phone is ringing off the hook with all the other options at the same time.
Come on men of this giant continent ! Get yourselves together and stop being so precious, fall in love ! Good old fashioned eternal love, open the doors of your heart , and leave the market place out of your bed . Love that you can loose your self in for years , that fills your soul , that lights the way. You just can't be that calculated , it makes me want to run away to Tuscany and fall in love with a truffle farmer.
Once I had an experience with a musician that really sucked , here in L.A., he chased me around for months but everytime we talked about love he had a mountain of stipulations. He didn't believe in marriage , "modern woman can support herself" ,(as if this is the only reason we marry), and he didn't want to live with anyone .But he would expect that if I was with him , I knew how to cook and clean and exactly how to please him in bed.
He's off MY roster .
I just can't fly with all this because I believe love is boundless and I just don't want to be with someone who doesn't believe in it . What happened to the great American love story ? We just all got so uptight, we just got so formula about it .
One of my biggest love stories to date was with a man who lived on the East Coast for seven years , for seven years I lived and worked on the west . He couldn't move west because of his big career and I couldn't move East because of mine . But what can really be more important than love ? It seems like we all want to get everything we need with minimum commitment, but hey, life is a committment . Who are we kidding?
I want the Harry met Sally story or at least the Annie Hall . I don't want to hear more reasons why men can't surrender to the experience of love, I've heard them all:
" I'm too busy , I'm focusing on my career",
" I don't want to marry before I'm 36" ,
" I don't really want a relationship right now , but do you want to go for supper on Friday night ?"
" I only date under 21 year olds" .
" I'm not exclusive right now, I have two other dates tonight" .
" I'm not going to fall in love till I've made my first million" .
" I am freezing my sperm".

I want eternal, big spirited love . Bring back the good old fashioned American love story , not for publicity , not for social status or economic gain, not as a crutch to make your first 5million, but just for the spirit of it.