Music, Sex and Poetry

For ten years I have been on the journey of a life time . There is nothing more incredible to me than the journey of self discovery , music and love. It has been fast paced and has required all my skills of survival , the journey always asks me at every turn to bring more and more compassion for myself and those around me . The journey always requires me to become more expansive, and every twist of the journey requires me to embrace universal wisdom. Each chapter has a special lesson, and guess what ? Just like an exam if I don't pass first time , I have to redo it next semester . Sometimes I've been locked into the same exam for about year and a half.
Last week a strange thing occured . A woman who has worked for me for many years, who I have a great deal of love for got kind of angry and rude and she needed to leave for two weeks . It was all very strange. Of course she was going through some stuff , it wasn't personal she was just angry with herself ,but she just vented it on me. After she left though it started to creep up on me, the cycle of grieving for some one you have spent time with, the cycle always goes the same . denial, sadness, anger. Then I realised it 's really not about her, all these feelings I've been having, it's about all the other times , as well that I have lost people and places I've loved .
In ten years I've lived in seven different places I had a seven year relationship that ended and a year and a half fling that also ended . I've gone through three different producers , two different bands . I can't tell you how many asistants and different people I've worked with . I had to leave my parents behind in England and all my friends and customs and embrace a whole new continent .So there's been a lot of love , but a lot of loss.
I love everything about my journey, it's my canvas, and as Bruce Springsteen sings "I was born to run !' But I am slowly realising that I have to take a different perspective on love and attachment and really being ok with myself. For the journey of the artist is an internal one , it's the road less travelled .I've fallen in and out of love so many times , love can sometimes be like a flower that blooms for a few days and then vanishes.You can't sit next to the dead stalk saying , "Why isn't the flower blooming anymore ? I want it to bloom!" And then you scream at everyone including yourself for the loss.
Change is the law of nature , and change we must and everything around us . So I have been slowly learning tools like meditation and yoga so that I can connect to that which is eternally divine and feel more centered in my fast paced life . So I am able to accept what ever life brings.
Yesterday I saw my wonderful vocal coach Eric Vetro , he's a magician with a voice and great at giving clear advice to his friends. I told him about the incident with the woman and he told me this , "Zoe you have to see this as an oppotunity given to you by the universe. Consider an empty bowl of rice , once the bowl is full there is no longer any space to put anything in it . Your just cleaning out your closets , all your skeletons are being swept out ! So that you are totally open to what ever the universe presents for your highest good". I guess there are certain moments in life where we really meet our maker . "Filling your life with distractions , ie a person that causing you greif , is not helpful, you need to be clear of all clutter, try it without her for a while".
Since the beginning of the year it seems as if , it's been one long clearing out of my closet anything that is no longer valuble to my life and forward movement is just being taken away. Its extraordinary , its like being a boat out on the sea learning to sail the wide open ocean for the first time , the waves keep crashing on me , but I keep putting up my sail and heading into the sun towards the light and anything that feels like ballast I'm throwing over the side cos I want to sail on the high seas with my sails full and the wind blowing in my hair. Negative energy is going stop those sails going up . We sail together sometimes for a life time or sometimes for a short time . The wind in the sails is compassion , and when there is no more wind, lets let each other go our separate ways with a prayer in our hearts and gratitude for the time we 've had together for like life it's just a moment in time . When I finally dance off into the sunset and become one with all creator, I want to feel as if I brought some joy to the earth , that I made peoples lives a little easier,and brought beauty and celebration , thats what I want to do.
I've noticed greif comes in waves , you can be feeling normal and all of a sudden it crashes over you and you think it's going to crash you to the bottom of the sea , but I realise if you keep sailing into the sun each calm moment will bring a new lesson of deep compassion. I recently met a really old person who knew her death was near she cried and said to me , "I love you". Even though I had only met her two minutes prior, she was so close to creator she was able to say it as she felt it ,because she new the preciousness of life . It was very moving . Also when I met Bono the thing that was so remarkable to me about him was his compassion and humility. He's somebody who's sailed on the wide open seas and probably had many waves crash over him. I'm learning that despite the pain of greif I must learn and sail on . I never wanted to swim in a pond , I wanted to go sail on the open seas with my sails full blown like a beautiful yacht .Every time a wave comes I've learnt to use my rudder , I'm learning to navigate thoise beautiful open waters. I'm learning to let the winds of compassion fill my sails and know that I was born free, born to sail the high seas.