Music, Sex and Poetry

A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints Directed by Dito Montiel.
Starring Chazz Palminteri & Robert Downey Jr.

My friend Chazz invited me and my sister to a private screening of a movie he is starring in right now. Reminiscent of the Bronx Tale, only in that it is about growing up in the hood, a younger generation tells the story of how it was for them. It is raw honest and deeply moving . A young man ,Dito, (in real life the director), tells his story of struggling to survive the harsh realities of both his home environment and the streets where he and his friends live. There is a pivotal moment for the character when a rival gang member sprays on his home, You live here you die here.
I guess for all of us that were born to run, we relate. This haunts Dito, that and watching everyone around him whom he loves get flushed down the drain, his young friend is killed and another one goes to jail. Only the dream, his one out, is to go to California and make a band. It was deep I can definitely relate although I dont come from a hood where life and death is constantly questioned, I did feel spiritual life and death was under question in a suburban town in Surrey, England.
I watched at a young age my father who is quite brilliant , suffer through traumatic bouts of alcoholism, and in my mind I was sure it was because he stuck in that small town and the force of that small town had consumed his genius, a small town is not a place for big genius. The English class system had not allowed a working class hero like my Dad to break on through, I definitely wasnt going to sit around and let that happen to me.
My parents house, which had also been my Grand parents house, did take on this kind of shadow like prescence in my own imagination like Ditos house in the movie. And like Dito I did not return there for eight years ,and it was with a huge amount of anxiety that I did finally get on the plane.
When I returned there was some questions and I felt a huge amount of guilt seeing my parents more fragile and older , knowing for eight long years I had not set foot in England. The wonderful thing was despite that I was the rebel daughter born to run, there was so much love for me there. My mother had decorated a room just for the occasion and she cooked three times a day, she was so happy to have her daughter home.
My father on taking to me to the airport to go back to America sat and had tea with me before take off. He said I think its great you went to America, I understand why you went. After all its only a plane ride away anyway, its just like living in Birmingham. Ill explain it to Mum. I realized at certain times me and my Dad had been adversaries and despite the fact he comes from a generation where men couldnt express themselves in more affectionate terms, like Ditos father, like Dito I really needed to know he loved me and there he was at the airport loving me the way he had always loved me. I cried all the way through the airport and everybody looked at me because I was crying so much.
We can fly free and we can still return to those who love us. It was only him who could have been the father to such a wild daughter,and it was only him who could put me on the plane and understand why I had to go. Its fascinating how one generation picks up the baton for another and carries on the dream. Those of us that run like Dito, we all have to go sometime and make peace with where we come from and who we really are. Nine out of ten times we go back to find despite under the normal generational conflicts there is real deep love.
I really got a lot out of this movie everyone should go and see it. Chazz Palminteris performance is brilliant, poignant, moving, playing a man caught in all the armor of his generation desperate to get out and connect with his young son. In one very moving scene as Dito leaves, the father character tries to hug his son, by this time Dito is so overwhelmed he just cannot be touched.
Robert Downey Junior plays the older Dito, just returned from L.A. with a great balance of L.A frost and New York warmth. I love the scene when he screams at his father: Do you love me ? The young cast of characters where just phenomenal, really honest performances.
Everyone should go see, A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints.

myspace.com/aguidetorecognizingyoursaints

And everyone, as my friend Chazz says to me , Dont run from your demons ZO, turn around and face them!
Thanks for the invite Chazz; it was wonderful to see you and your wonderful wife Janna. I wish Dito and the crew all the luck.

If youve runaway ,write and tell me your story and whether youve made the return trip home yet.